Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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