I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
