I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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