he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
