Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
