Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
