Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
