Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
