how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
