Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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