If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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