Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
