I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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