this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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