I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
