I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
