I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
