Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
