its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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