He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
