How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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