The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
