Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
