yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize