It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
