Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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