i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
