i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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