I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
