is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
