# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
