His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize