We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
