there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
