I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
