It was confusing and full of hummus
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
