when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
