I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
