i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
