just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
