Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
