the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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