whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
