So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
