Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
