I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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