carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
