Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
