that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
