i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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