Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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