He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
