And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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