Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
