Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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