We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
