He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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