You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
