Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
