Nicole vs. Life
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
