i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
