The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
