I'm pants shitting drunk right now
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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