508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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