we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
