That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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