I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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