go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
